So-I-have-a-right-to-cry

Paramananda, the temple president of Prabhupada's Pennsylvania farm project, Gita-nagari, also came to be with Prabhupada. "So organize this farm project," said Srila Prabhupada. "Simple living. Human life is meant for God realization. Try to help them."

"We're always feeling your presence very strongly, Srila Prabhupada," said Paramananda. "Simply by your teachings and instructions. We are always meditating on your instructions."

"Thank you," said Srila Prabhupada. "That is the real presence. Physical presence is not important." Paramananda had brought a letter from his wife, Satyabhama. Tamala Krishna asked if he should read it, and Prabhupada agreed. Tamala Krishna read on.

Dear Srila Prabhupada,

Please accept my most humble obeisances. All glories to Your Divine Grace.

This shawl is made of the wool from our own sheep. It is spun and woven here at Gita-nagari. It is the first piece we have made. While I was working on it I would always think of you, how I was supposedly making you a gift.

But actually you are giving me the gift of engagement in devotional service. Srila Prabhupada, I always pray to Lord Nrshimhadeva to protect you and allow you to stay with us to finish your books.

But I think today the rain falling from the sky is actually the tears of the demigods, crying at the prospect of your departure. I am also crying. Even Krishna cried at the passing of Grandfather Bhishma. So I have a right to cry. I cannot be so philosophical to say that you are always present in your books and teachings, though I know these things are true. I will miss you so much, Srila Prabhupada, if you go. I beg that I may always remain your menial servant and devotee.

Your humble disciple,
Satyabhama dasi

"Thank her," said Srila Prabhupada, and he reached for the shawl – "Made with our wool."

"So you'll take rest now, Srila Prabhupada?" suggested Tamala Krishna.

"Umhm," said Prabhupada. "This can be on the foot." And he gestured that the saffron-colored shawl be put as a blanket on his bed. Tears came from his eyes as he lay back.